Society

EVERYONE has funny little tales to tell, and everyone gets halfway through it before realising their audience is bored shitless but they can't stop now.

A LONDON man who made a rare venture up North has come away believing that every female shop assistant, ticket inspector and receptionist wants to sleep with him.

THIS country is a dangerous cesspit nowadays. You can barely walk down the street without something terrible happening. Not like it was in my youth, when Britain was a safer and better place.

A LETTING agent is advising prospective tenants who do not want to live in a shithole to manage their expectations.

SEXUALITY is a mysterious thing, but society is learning more about it all the time. Here are five uniquely British sexualities that will be identified within 12 months.

WE Brits are such a spirited nation that when someone says something objectionable, we keep quiet and bitch about it later. Here are some great cowardly phrases to use. 

A LANDLORD has decided to slap an extra £200 on his tenants’ monthly rent because, at the end of the day, who is going to stop him?

BEING homeless is incredibly hard - but so is walking past them outside Waitrose. Here’s how to put your class-related guilt to one side and glide past painlessly.

THRILLED at the idea of energy bills tumbling by the unimaginable sum of £426 a year? Calm down. Miserable realist Martin Bishop explains why it will change nothing.

BEING asked to do actual work? Then you get home and a friend only wants to go out for a f**king drink? Get out of it with these befogging phrases.