Society

ENGLAND loves to include all the nations of the UK in its narrative of patriotic success, but dare piss off the Home Counties and you’ll be instantly disowned.

IS a pregnant friend insisting on showing you their ultrasound scan? Here’s what you should definitely avoid saying.

AS Thames Water approaches collapse, hipster Londoners are paying £220 for reclaimed yew dowsing rods to find and tap wells.

IS it possible to have a wee in a gender neutral toilet without suddenly turning into a lady or getting accused of being a pervert? Surprisingly, yes. Here’s how.

WHENEVER your friend tells you he was shitfaced after drinking eight pints last night, you automatically halve it because he’s a liar. Here’s some more quick maths to get to the truth.

A SOCIAL media detective investigating the Bulley case has found incontrovertible proof that he is an idiotic, insensitive arsehole.

A WOMAN has come to the unwelcome conclusion that her childhood bully had a point because she was an annoying little shit.

A FATHER is eyeing his son’s unopened birthday present of Lego with a predatory glint in his eye and a readiness to pounce.

YOU went to a comprehensive, lived in a terraced house and did factory jobs, but you’ve changed. Here’s how to accept that you’re middle-class now.

A WOMAN who spends a fortune on rent is practising her dismayed face for conversations with homeowner friends, it has emerged.