Society

THE UK might be a country of free speech, but some conversation topics are better off confined to the pub. Including these.

AFTER comebacks by Pulp, Blur and the Tory recession, the entire 1990s are returning for a lucrative reunion tour.

A MAN whose bus arrived nine minutes late has declared this is further proof that the UK is a failed state.

LIVING in close proximity to anyone, from any age group or walk of life, is an unmitigated disaster. These are the reasons why.

A TEENAGER has reluctantly ceased loathing his parents for long enough to demand they buy him something.

A TEN-YEAR-OLD eco-warrior has been told that his concern for the environment is a passing fancy he will grow out of.  

PEOPLE who insist on leaving their living rooms exposed to passers-by have been told to stop violating their own privacy.

BRITAIN, 2067. The cities are in flames, the countryside barren and lifeless. There is no government. The UK exists in name only. Only the pensions triple lock endures.

A MAN watching pornography has been completely taken out of the whole experience by a so-called MILF who has obviously never even unfolded a pushchair.

HAVE you gone for a piss in someone’s house and discovered the room is carpeted? You should look out for these other signs that they’re a potential nutter.