Society

POLICEMEN across England and Wales could not sleep last night after being told they were going to get electric stun guns.

BRITAIN is now the noisy, emotional drunk woman at a party, according to a major new report.

A SECRET list of BNP members has revealed the party includes people from a range of professions, not just the police.

HARD-working families are not the only ones who deserve tax cuts, according to single people who do barely enough to get by.

A WOMAN has divorced her husband after he used the computer game World of Warcraft to conduct affairs with a series of imaginary woodland creatures.

PRICES are to fall dramatically over the next 12 months which will be particularly annoying for you as you will have no money, the Bank of England said last night.

THE number of babies created from the sperm of a single donor should be increased to boost Britain's quota of gap-toothed inbreds, experts have claimed.

THE British economy turned a corner last night after somebody sold a house.

THE 22% of Britons who trust politicians should be deported, it was claimed last night.

BRITAIN'S under fives are just not taking this shit any more, the National Union of Teachers has warned.