Society

BRITAIN is every bit as violent and terrifying as you thought it was, the government confirmed last night.

SCHOOLCHILDREN across England are to get compulsory lessons on why women are insane.

THE gap between poor people and chickens is at its narrowest since 1945, according to a major international report.

BUSES which carry adverts doubting the existence of God are risking their eternal souls, Christian campaigners said last night.

THE Scout Association is to formalise sexual education by awarding a badge for playing the biscuit game.

WITH unemployment expected to reach three million by the end of next year, economists were last night warning of Billy Bragg.

AN Englishman has successfully crossed the Channel to France using nothing but a car ferry.

TERMS including ‘frogging’, ‘donkey handbag’ and ‘eine Kane schaften’ have all been included in the new edition of the Chambers English Dictionary.

BRITAIN was last night pinning its hopes on the next generation of fraudsters, after the latest failure to con a large financial institution with a fake death scam.

A 75 year-old widower from Suffolk is believed to be the first man in the UK to leave his entire estate to a watermelon.