Society

AFTER decades of being considered bony, unattractive monstrosities shunned by culture and society, being thin is finally back in fashion.

A CROWD of people huddled around a bonfire have realised they are staring at what warm banks will look like.

ONCE you couldn’t throw a brick in a playground without hitting a Jane, Gary or Dave. Later it was Kyle, Connor or Lianne. But how will the fickle wheel of nomenclature turn next? Probably with these names…

INTEREST rate rises mean boring homeowning bastards are talking about little else. Which sort of git banging on about their mortgage are you?

THE Bank of England has announced that middle class interest rates are being raised by the equivalent of 180 Gü ramekins per month.

BRITAIN has made the whiplash-inducing U-turn from dressing up as a zombie to respectfully mourning those who died for its freedom.

A MAN who has left his laddish ways behind him is teaching friends that women are more than just hot, sexy bitches.

ANNOYED about your pizza oven's expired warranty or your over-budget extension? Complain about privileged things in a self-aware way with this guide.

ABOUT to be swamped by freeloaders in fancy dress? Send trick-or-treaters fleeing in terror with these tips.

SHOPPING online is quicker and more convenient than trudging around town. Plus you'll be able to screw yourself over in these stupid ways.