Society

Alpha, Beta, Sigma: Which bullshit male type are you?

THE latest dickish and pathetic fad for men is sorting themselves into categories depending on how manly they think they are. Like these.

Five good reasons to hate and fear groups of schoolchildren on the bus

GETTING a bus? You’d better hope it’s not already been colonised by a group of schoolkids. Here’s why you should be very afraid.

'It's fireman not firefighter': seven absolutely bollocks culture war hills to die on

THE wokerati blame the UK’s massive problems on Brexit and the Tories while any sane person knows these are the real issues, writes Roy Hobbs, aged 64.

How to be a good ally to a straight white man

YOU might be a progressive tofu-eating Guardian reader, but do you know how to support straight white men? Become an ally to this un-marginalised group with this guide.

Being crap in bed and other things you can't blame on Brexit

BREXIT is often blamed for Britain’s woes, but only because they’re its fault. However there are still some things that cannot be pinned on our decision to leave the EU.

As a middle-class vegan, the vegetable crisis is life-threatening to me

TABLOIDS joke about it. The supermarkets pretend it is no big deal. But as a middle-class vegan, vegetable rationing is life-threatening to me.

Brexiters tick off 'food rationing' on list

BREXITERS have placed a big happy tick next to ‘food rationing’ on their list of conditions to return Britain to its ideal wartime state.

The topics you and your 1980s penpal Pierre from Toulouse wrote to each other about

PAIRED across the Channel, you corresponded with Pierre in the hope you’d one day visit him, drink vin rouge and baiser his sister.

20th century rewritten to take out all the unpleasantness

THE 20th century has been rewritten by sensitivity readers to remove all the distressing references to race, gender and mental health.

The absolute f**king nutjobs no high street would be complete without

POPPING into town? You're bound to run into these nutters without whom it just wouldn't be the same.