Society

Retired grandmother can't help with childcare because of urgent National Trust visit

A RETIRED grandmother is unable to look after her daughter's children due to a National Trust visit that cannot be postponed.

A Yorkshireman doing spoken-word poetry: signs an advert is a pile of wank

ADVERTISING is the most noble art form known to man, but occasionally lets itself down with cheap gimmicks.

Phones, TV, underwear: items you own that prove you can’t be poor

EVERYONE is banging on about austerity 2.0 but all I see is people swanning around with fancy gadgets. Here I, Roy Hobbs, explain how you can't be struggling if you own these things.

Therapy an absolute must, say people it doesn't appear to have helped

PEOPLE who have not benefited from therapy insist it is something everybody should try, it has emerged.

The patriarchy and other things progressive young people assume you haven't heard of

YOUNG liberals are much more progressive than you because they're experts in these things, which they arrogantly assume you've never heard of.

Royal Tunbridge Wells, and other town names that can get the f**k over themselves

DO you live somewhere with a stupid and, frankly, poncy name? Here are six insufferably pretentious town names that need to get a grip on themselves.

Woman supporting local business by going to Starbucks down the road

A WOMAN who is keen to support her local economy does so by frequenting the Starbucks near her house.

The things other teenagers' parents all let them do, according to your teenager

YOUR teenage child has informed you that your parenting is senselessly restrictive compared to the parenting of their peers, who are allowed to do the following.

No entertainment as good as phone screen of stranger sat next to you

NO PIECE of entertainment can compete with whatever the stranger sitting next to you is looking at on their phone, it has been confirmed.

Bank asks customer to pop into closed branch with utility bill he doesn't have

A BANK has asked a customer to visit a branch that closed years ago with a utility bill he does not possess, it has emerged.