Society

The six days of your life you'll never want to live again

FROM being born to turning 40, life is littered with horrible experiences. Here are six you'll be glad you only have to suffer once.

The seven stages of grief for a bloody hamster, by a dad

THE death of a family hamster is tragic for kids but boring for everyone else. Dad Roy Hobbs explains the seven tedious stages of their grief.

Woman in leopard print top absolutely going to end up more pissed than her friends

A WOMAN wearing a leopard print top on a night out is guaranteed to get more drunk than any of her friends, it has been confirmed.

Is it your fault the shopping bill costs twice as much? Take our quiz

THE cost of living has skyrocketed, and many people need urgent government help. But is there any chance that your own shopping costing double is down to… you?

Should you report yourself for 'vilifying' Britain?

RISHI Sunak has promised to clamp down on those who ‘vilify’ the fascist regime, sorry, ‘Britain’. So are you a treacherous vilifier or just a bit of a moaner? Read our checklist and be sure where you stand.

Bears revealed to be men in suits

ZOOLOGISTS have discovered that bears are in fact men in furry costumes, and not animals as had been previously thought.

Tragic bastard doing his big shop on a Saturday night

A TRAGIC man is planning to do his weekly big shop on a Saturday night because that is when the supermarket will be its quietest.

Why I can't personally chip in to your energy bill, by the billionaire boss of Shell

YES, I have made billions of pounds in profits. No, I cannot chuck a few quid towards your massive energy bill. Let me explain why.

A day in the life of a bigoted old white couple who'll decide our next PM

THE Tory leadership contest will soon be decided by the white, retired grassroots. So who are these key voters? Here party members Roy and Barbara Hobbs describe a typical day.

Free stuff, ranked from worst to best

THE best things in life are free, it’s claimed, but hotel Bibles are both free and crap. Gratis stuff, ranked...