Society

I'm still going to vote Tory because I'm a miserable bastard who thinks life should be awful

YES, this week has seen the pound fall in value and the housing market tank, but I’m still going to vote Tory because I like the misery.

'Trouble with your massive mortgage?' millennials innocently ask elders

MILLENNIALS are innocently asking their elders if everything is okay with their enormous mortgages after all this interest business.

The six people your mum is probably talking about

YOUR mum's telling you about someone, you drifted off thinking about Wagon Wheels, and now you've no idea who. It's probably one of these.

Today's interest rate rise: How will it f**k you up?

INTEREST rates are expected to go up by 0.75 per cent today - the biggest increase since 1989. How will that f**k up you up specifically?

Capped energy bills to only bankrupt half of businesses

THE government’s decision to cap wholesale energy prices will only lead to half of UK businesses going bankrupt, it has been confirmed.

A day that made everyone bemused to be British

YESTERDAY was a day unique in our recent history. A day that cannot be matched. A day that saw the whole nation bemused to be British.

What I, a proper Briton who was in the Queue, should be allowed to do from now on vs what you should be allowed to do

I WAS there. I joined the queue, stayed in the queue and am one of the exalted. You could have made the effort but didn’t. Here’s how our rights differ going forward.

Man scared to go out

A MAN would quite like to get a breath of fresh air but is concerned that he may not be allowed to do so.

Thirteen things the twat who'd been on a gap year like, learned, man

GOING to university? You'll shortly meet the gap year student who learned obvious lessons on their travels. Julian Cook passes on life lessons.

Tomorrow a good day to be hungover

TOMORROW, a day dedicated to quiet, to the cessation of all activity and to watching people murmur on the BBC, is a perfect day to be hungover.