Society

CHILDREN do thick things, for thick reasons. Here are some of the densest excuses you used to justify your behaviour as a child.

TRYING to get somewhere? Stuck a human cosplaying as a tortoise? Survive the ordeal with these tips.

A MAN has confirmed that it is impossible for him to be a misogynist as he is related to and has lived with several women.

2022 has passed its joyful halfway point and only gets worse from now on, everyone has realised.

WOMEN never start wars, say patronising men who believe they are being complimentary. Along with these classic generalisations about the ladies.

RECKON it’s fine to park in a disabled space because you’d get a ticket for stopping right outside the gates? You could be a school run wanker. Find out here.

WANT to end a friendship by leaving a voice message? Do it in the most irritating way possible.

OUR lives are full of unspoken but universally observed rules that must never be broken. Only the wilfully lawless would dare contravene these.

ARE popular, lauded and hugely famous people now a good decade younger than you? Keep telling yourself you’ve got plenty of time with these tips.

A MAN’S once-functioning gaydar is so outdated it is no longer able to detect anyone who came out post-millennium.