News

Diana Inquest: Jury To Spend Week In Leopard Print Swimsuit

THE jury hearing the inquest into the murder of Princess Diana by MI6 is to spend the rest of the week diving off a yacht on the Cote d’Azur while wearing a leopard print swimsuit.

Organ Swapping Parties Sweep Suburbia

SUBURBAN Britain is being swept by a kinky new craze for organ swapping, the Daily Mash can reveal. 

Britain To Become Perv Nation By 2012

BRITAIN will become a nation of pervs within five years, making it the second kinkiest country in Europe after France, according to new research by the Joseph Rowntree Foundation. 

Lorry Driver Celebrates First Anniversary Of Overtaking Manoeuvre

LORRY driver Dennis Jackers was last night celebrating the first anniversary of starting to overtake fellow trucker Bob Mellows and the creation of a tailback described by the UN as a “crime against humanity”. 

Medieval History Books To Include Morgan Freeman

THE early history of Britain is 'horribly white' and should be rewritten to include the black and Asian people who weren't there, the country’s equality chief said last night. 

Gayness Causes Chafing, Says Archbishop

HOMOSEXUALITY is not a disease but it can be a terrible cause of chafing, the Archbishop of Canterbury announced last night.

Balls Calls For Return To Old-Fashioned Bullying

THE Government is demanding a return to traditional methods of bullying after an upsurge in the use of mobile phones to exchange threats and insults.

People Not Utter Morons, Suggests Report

ALMOST all Britons are not witless baboons incapable of managing their own affairs, a new report claims today.

A Prayer For Diana, Princess Of Wales

by Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury

Diana: B&Q Opens Book Of Indifference

BOOKS of Indifference were opened at B&Q branches across the country today for men who could not a give a monkeys about the 10th anniversary of the death of Diana, Princess of Wales.