News

THE Diana inquest jury was last night taken to the bathroom of the Ritz Hotel in Paris to see where the Princess enjoyed her final bowel movement.

THE jury hearing the inquest into the murder of Princess Diana by MI6 is to spend the rest of the week diving off a yacht on the Cote d’Azur while wearing a leopard print swimsuit.

SUBURBAN Britain is being swept by a kinky new craze for organ swapping, the Daily Mash can reveal. 

BRITAIN will become a nation of pervs within five years, making it the second kinkiest country in Europe after France, according to new research by the Joseph Rowntree Foundation. 

LORRY driver Dennis Jackers was last night celebrating the first anniversary of starting to overtake fellow trucker Bob Mellows and the creation of a tailback described by the UN as a “crime against humanity”. 

THE early history of Britain is 'horribly white' and should be rewritten to include the black and Asian people who weren't there, the country’s equality chief said last night. 

HOMOSEXUALITY is not a disease but it can be a terrible cause of chafing, the Archbishop of Canterbury announced last night.

THE Government is demanding a return to traditional methods of bullying after an upsurge in the use of mobile phones to exchange threats and insults.

ALMOST all Britons are not witless baboons incapable of managing their own affairs, a new report claims today.

by Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury