News

Caravan Club Celebrates One Millionth Traffic Jam

THE Caravan Club yesterday celebrated causing its one millionth traffic jam of this year’s holiday season, beating its own previous record by a full two weeks. 

More Young Professionals Forced To Live In Balloons

WITH house prices now more than 400 times the average salary, more and more young people are being forced to live in hot air ballons, according to new research.

Scotland Relegated To Africa

SCOTLAND is to be compared to African countries for the next four years after another dismal display against its European counterparts.

SNP To Reverse Highland Clearances

THOUSANDS of Canadians will be forced to move to Scotland under SNP plans to reverse the Highland Clearances.

Reid Launches Terrorist Photocard Scheme

ALL terrorists operating in Britain will need to be licensed and registered before they can commit their psychotic outrages, the Government announced yesterday.

Ministers Propose 'Alf Garnett Day'

A NATIONAL holiday to celebrate the traditional British mistrust of foreigners is being proposed by the government.

Mars To Launch 'Beeftesers'

MARS, the confectionery giant, is to launch a brand of chocolate covered treats called 'Beeftesers' to cash in on the new and growing market for meat flavoured sweets.

Harry Potter Books 'All Made Up' Says Rowling

AUTHOR JK Rowling has revealed that no one is going to die at the end of the final Harry Potter book because she "made the whole thing up".

Rev Falwell Says Heaven 'Too Gay'

AMERICAN televangelist Jerry Falwell has launched an outspoken attack on Heaven after arriving there this week describing God’s Kingdom as looking like a ‘puff’s paradise’. 

Prince Harry's Butler To Serve In Iraq

IN a display of maturity and selflessness which would make his mother proud, Prince Harry has volunteered his butler to serve in Iraq.