Columnists
Dispatches from Poppy SpaldingThursday: New Orleans 'What's the biggest drag when you're at somebody's funeral listening to the priest talk mumbo jumbo for what seems like hours?'
IT was Michael Jackson's first deathday celebration day last Friday and to be honest, it was a bigger fuck-up than that time he hung the kid over the balcony - the bloke just hasn't got a bloody clue.
Went round to Brian Clough's to watch the England v Slovenia match the other day. Was planning to go to Don Revie's but when we got there he was charging people twenty quid to get in and had put a ban on everyone bringing in their own drinks.
By Karen FenesseyWHEN people ask me, 'Karen! Been watching the World Cup?', I always respond, 'World Cup? World Crap more like!'. Normally, Wimbledon is the only sporting date in my summer diary. For me, football has always been something played by faceless alcoholics with clammy thighs and impenetrable regional accents...
I put a bag of my hair shavings on eBay this week – genuine stuff, and although I’m not saying where it came from, you can probably make an educated guess. Five days later and the top bid was 20p. Shocking...
This week's hot star sightings... Unemployed South Bank Show janitor MELVYN BRAGG sitting alone in a park in West London, feeding birds from a bag of sawdust and trying to lick the tip of his own nose…
WORST HOLIDAY EVER So Dodi finally got that restraining order dropped that he'd taken out against me with The Big Man. Then, better still, he turns up out of the blue at my gaff with Henri Paul, the engine revving and wanting to know if I fancied going for a spin. Fuck, yeah!
THIS week I'm in Sao Paulo, but that doesn't matter because there is so much going on at my hostel I don't even have time to go out. All the folks here have got carried away with Eurovision and its shocker aftermath...
By Karen Fenessey Normally, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone how I voted, but... it was Lib Dem! (Didn’t everyone?)...
Dispatches from Poppy SpaldingMonday: The Amazon Last night I was on Amazon downloading DJ Rico’s hot new MP3 Zombie in a Coma’ but today I'm in the actual Amazon!