Politics

ALMOST 90 percent of Conservative voters would happily vote for Benito Mussolini if he was a Tory and still alive.

THE new Conservative MP for Stoke-on-Trent Central has just shuddered with horror on realising she now has to live there.

FORMER Lib Dem leader Jo Swinson has been ‘belting out’ That’s Life while standing on her sofa.

THE Lib Dems have decided to take a break from politics and try something different, starting with becoming a knitting club.

THE Brexit Party’s dismal election results have reduced it to a retired couple from Cornwall and their golliwog, ‘Mr Golly’.

THE Tory victory means we’ll be seeing more of Britain’s most irritating twat, Michael Gove. Here’s how to get through the difficult years ahead.

JEREMY Corbyn has announced that he and Labour are in a ‘process of reflection’ on what voters mean by telling him to ‘p*ss off’.

NIGEL Farage is a bit irrelevant now. So how can he slither back into the limelight again?

THE UK has declared a spontaneous national day off following last night’s electoral trauma.

BORIS Johnson has insisted this morning that at no point did he say he would get Brexit done.