Politics

GOOD day. My message to you, on the final day before the general election, is stop buggering around and vote for me, you little sh*ts.

IN this election, nobody is in any doubt about what the Lib Dems stand for. And, on reflection, that was our fatal mistake.

HELLO. I’ve spent more than 30 years being right about absolutely everything and, in tomorrow’s general election, you have the chance of a lifetime to join me.

BORIS Johnson has amazed Britain by managing to star in a version of Love Actually even sh*ttier than Love Actually already was.

DESPITE widespread agreement that he’s a lying twat, millions of people still intend to vote for Boris Johnson. What’s your depressing justification?

THE general election has already ruined the Christmas run-up, but it doesn’t have to stop there. Here’s how to let it turn the whole festive period into sh*t.

BORIS Johnson has claimed that the boy lying on a floor in A&E was doing it as a protest because he wants to get Brexit done.

DIANE Abbott and Jacob Rees-Mogg are spending their time in exile as electoral liabilities by holidaying together in Bali.

YOU probably don’t realise it, but many Britons hold views that mean they are ‘Brexiters’ or ‘Remainers – and it may even influence their vote! But which are you? Find out in our fun quiz:

BORIS Johnson has unveiled his 10 election pledges to the public, but how will he betray every single one of them?