Politics

THE UK has declared a spontaneous national day off following last night’s electoral trauma.

BORIS Johnson has insisted this morning that at no point did he say he would get Brexit done.

THE UK has realised it could have had this exact same result in August 2016 and the last three-and-a-half years have been totally pointless. 

THE UK has once again decided to kick itself in the metaphorical b*llocks by electing a Conservative government. 

MILLIONS of voters have admitted they are bastards who just want money.

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn has told Boris Johnson that if he strikes him down, then it is he who will truly have lost.

JEREMY Corbyn is a bad, nasty man so you no vote for him.

ARE you planning to vote for an election candidate whose stated policy is to screw you over? Check to see if you’re one of the following idiots.

BORIS Johnson has pledged the city of Carlisle to Wetherspoons to thank boss Tim Martin for his Brexit campaigning.

THE third of Britain that does not give a sh*t about politics is having a delightful festive day filled with Yuletide joy.