Politics

RESTRICTIONS on migrant workers could free up jobs for unemployed Leave voters. Here are some of the exciting opportunities on offer.  

OH NO, there’s dirty water lapping at the MDF of your flat-pack kitchen. Dear me, your dismal new-build hallway’s swimming in sh*t. Exactly why is that my problem?

BORIS Johnson and his grand vizier Dominic Cummings are hiring advisers who believe in eugenics and forced contraception. Are you unhinged enough to be one?

BRITAIN has a new Chancellor of the Exchequer, second only in power to the prime minister. But who is he? No f**king clue whatsoever. 

MICHAEL Gove has kept his position in the cabinet to punish Britain, Boris Johnson has confirmed. 

A MAN who wanted the UK to be rid of unelected decision-makers is into everything that Boris Johnson’s advisor says and does.

NICE liberal voters still find it hard to grasp that the government enacts nasty policies because its supporters like them. Conservative voter Norman Steele lists his favourites.

ARE you a hand-wringing liberal who thinks we should heal the divisions in society caused by Brexit? Here’s how to befriend a working class Leave person.

WANT to look good? Tell everyone what they want to hear and make promises you have no intention of keeping. The prime minister explains how to lie your way to the top.

THE UK has woken up massively hungover with a vague dread that it did something really f**king idiotic last night.