Politics

ARE you a Brexiter unable to stop howling about democracy despite not knowing how it works? Here’s how to be a shouty, ill-informed w**ker.

THE prime minister is searching the whole of Britain to find a location he can visit without a member of the public tearing him a new ars*hole.

THE supreme court has decided that it will hear expert legal advice from the Mail Online comments section in today’s prorogation hearing.

REVIEWERS of David Cameron’s new memoir For The Record have confirmed that its index has no entry for the word ‘pig’. 

BORIS Johnson's hulk metaphor has been welcomed by Brexit supporters who are not stupid and knew exactly what they were voting for.

DAVID Cameron’s memoir has left the nation reeling with the revelation that Boris Johnson and Michael Gove are a pair of twats.

FORMER prime minister David Cameron sleeps in a crypt which contains no reflective surfaces or timepieces.

COULROPHOBIA, or the fear of clowns, has been reclassified from an anxiety disorder to a perfectly reasonable response to modern life.

THE Queen has been heard to murmur ‘You lied to me, you f**king fat f**k’ while watching the news.

JEREMY Corbyn is taking political positions so rational that a worried supporter is afraid he is being drugged and controlled.