Politics

Brown Makes Arse Of New Thing

GORDON Brown continued his political fightback last night by somehow finding a brand new thing to make an arse of.

Brown Survives As Labour Rebels Blah, Blah, Blah, Who Gives A Shit?

DEPUTY prime minister Gordon Brown survived a backbench revolt last night after pledging to change his style of leadership and blah, blah, blah, you're not still reading this are you?

This Is How The Nazis Started, Says Everyone

THE Nazis started out with just a couple of MPs and six percent of the vote you know, everyone said last night.

Brown Stamps Authority With Stupid, Pointless Reshuffle

GORDON brown reasserted his authority today with what his supporters insisted was a stupid, pointless reshuffle that won't make the slightest difference to anything.

Oh For Christ's Sake Just Do It, Britain Tells Labour

LABOUR was today told to just get on with it so we can all have a peaceful weekend without having to watch Nick Robinson jumping up and down like a child that's bursting for a piss.

Rats Desert Shit Government

A PROCESSION of Labour ministers and backbench MPs announced their resignations yesterday, like rats deserting an utterly shit government.

Cameron Pledges Power To The Maniacs

TORY leader David Cameron last night pledged to transform British democracy by devolving power to the lowest possible level of maniac.

Labour To Back PR For Insultingly Obvious Reasons

LABOUR is to back proportional representation in what they claim will be a major step towards rebuilding their chances of getting back into power before everyone's dead.

Ministers Hired Accountants Who Don't Know What Capital Gains Tax Is

NINE government ministers used £11,000 of taxpayers' money to scour Britain for the tiny handful of accountants who don't know what capital gains tax is, it emerged last night.

MPs Begin Desperate Hunt For Loopholes

A NEW system of MPs' allowances was outlined by Gordon Brown last night as shamed members of parliament immediately began scouring it for scams and loopholes.