Politics

A CIVIL service co-worker has visited Jacob Rees-Mogg’s desk while he was absent and left him a little message.

A CONSERVATIVE MP has admitted he is delaying the inevitable trip to have Boris, his much-loved golden Labrador that shits everywhere, put down.

MY liege, and England’s Lord, Boris Johnson is besieged by moral and intellectual pygmies. I must don my ancestral armour and joust for his honour. Follow me!

MPs will get a vote on Thursday to decide whether Boris Johnson did a bad thing or the UK public are being whiny little snowflakes about a cake and should get over it.

A HUSBAND has told his wife that once he has offered a sincere, full-throated apology for shagging her best mate and spending their savings, he has done all he can.

SHIPPING asylum seekers to Rwanda sounds just like God’s antics in the first half of the Bible, believers have told the Archbishop of Canterbury.

THE UK has realised that it can only hold seven ongoing Tory scandals in its mind at once, so is forgetting at least another seven.

I KNOW you are a sentimental fool who feels sad your nan died of Covid and angry that Boris was at a party while it happened, but it was two years ago, so man up and get over it.

MICHAEL Fabricant is in hot water after suggesting nurses and teachers would have drinks at work during the pandemic. If you’re only dimly aware of this strange Tory MP, here are all your questions answered.

BORIS Johnson has been giving a fixed penalty notice which should lead to his resignation, but are you dense enough to think it will actually happen? Take our quiz.