Independent Scotland to blame cats

UNABLE to continue blaming the English for their misfortunes, an independent Scotland will instead hate cats.

Britain to decide why it's shit

DAVID Cameron has pledged to settle, once and for all, the question of why Britain is so shit.

Obama regrets promising new Game of Thrones book

PRESIDENT Obama made a number of rash, personalised promises to voters, it has emerged.

Cameron on severe E comedown

DAVID Cameron is in floods of tears today after having taken Ecstasy with Boris Johnson at the Olympics closing ceremony.

Mitt Romney completes tour of Europe by urinating on Lenin's tomb

REPUBLICAN presidential candidate Mitt Romney has concluded a visit to Russia by relieving himself on the casket containing the enbalmed body of Lenin.