Politics

FOR four years, Boris Johnson was everything to me. I adored him and believed all his wild promises. But now I realise I was just being used.

GIVING NHS nurses a decent pay rise is the latest in Scotland’s long line of nefarious plans. Here’s how the diabolical scheme will play out.

RISHI here, the Robin to Boris’s Batman. And I’m battling on behalf of you, the workers desperate to go back to the office. Here’s why: 

ARE you an ardent ‘flag shagger’ who’d like to literally have sexual intercourse with a Union Jack? Here’s how to go about it if you’re a patriotic weirdo or a Tory MP.

THE EU has been puzzled to find the UK still yapping around its heels months after it had supposedly left for good.

ALRIGHT chief? Welcome to the Festival of Brexit. I’m Steve Malley, former UKIP candidate for Leatherhead, and if you’re a Remainer you can frankly f**k off now. 

ALWAYS in a bad mood, never laughs at your jokes, and left a draft bill for an independence referendum in the printer? Scotland might be thinking of leaving.

AS A poppy-wearing patriot, you’d think I’d be furious about Boris cutting 10,000 soldiers. But it’s fine, though if Keir Starmer did the same it’d be treason.

THE Scottish Conservatives are crimson with rage after wily Nicola Sturgeon once again escaped justice by ‘doing nothing wrong’.

AS CONSERVATIVE member for Eddisbury, the room Julian Cook Zooms in is full of perfectly ordinary Union Jacks and busts of Churchill.