Politics

HI, I'm Priti Patel. People think I'm a bully but I have a nice side too. Here are some empathetic ideas for managing asylum seekers that sound better than 'send them to the Isle of Man'.

WITH Boris Johnson set to get his first dose of the Oxford vaccine, here’s how he’ll turn getting a jab into the latest of his long line of f**k-ups.

JACOB Rees-Mogg has put a journalist in his place by calling him ‘either a knave or a fool’. Here he lists his utterly devastating insults for anyone who incurs his wrath. 

I’VE decided it’s time for the UK to address casual, everyday sexism despite having an appalling record with it myself. Here’s my guide to not upsetting the totty. I mean, women.

HI, Priti here. Don’t reply, that would be far too noisy and you’ll be detained.

YES, I have just spaffed £37 billion on a useless track and trace system and Dido Harding’s grasping, clueless army. But sod you, taxpayers. Be grateful I didn’t spend it on these projects...

THE British monarchy is in crisis after attention was once again drawn to the absolute pointlessness of its very existence.

SADLY – tragically – the political career of Nigel Farage is over. I have given this country everything, and can give no more.

A THIRD of a million pounds has been paid out by government to protect me, home secretary Priti Patel. I’m worth 10 times that. Let me explain why. 

THE BBC has been urged to be more discreet about its ongoing infatuation with chancellor Rishi Sunak.