Politics

A BORED Boris Johnson told Britain to ‘build back beaver’ and ‘build back burger’ for shits and giggles yesterday. What else could the verbose bastard have said?

DO you secretly regret your former zeal for kicking out all foreigners because you like petrol and ham? Here’s how to admit it without losing face.

THE Metropolitan Police have issued official advice today telling women the best way to avoid attacks by rogue police officers is by simply ceasing to exist.

THE government has announced that fuel queues and shortages are now so normal they are no longer worth mentioning.

THE UK is out of fuel and faces a harsh winter and cancelled Christmas – all thanks to bloody Remainers. Here’s how to tell them.

THE government is to bring in the Army to deliver petrol, fix supply chains and take over all functions of government permanently.

THE country is in crisis and people are looking to Her Majesty’s Opposition for answers just as they’re having a seaside punch-up. These are the headline bouts.

SENIOR Tories are furious that the party is so shit at running the country that it could damage their prospects at the next election.

IN his pamphlet The Road Ahead, the Labour leader has outlined his vision for Britain. Here are the key takeaways.

DESPITE considering himself a consummate orator, every speech by Boris Johnson is peppered with bullshit. Tick off his idiocy as it appears.