Sport

RUSSIA is to host an alternative Olympic Games where drug use is obligatory.

THE Football Association has finally given up and appointed Sam Allardyce as England manager.

SUNDERLAND has pledged to smash its transfer record to bring in anyone, anyone at all.

CHRIS Froome has completed a stage of the Tour de France on foot after suddenly realising that cycling is not what a grown man should be doing.

WORRIED fans have been reassured that pre-season fixtures are already under way, saving them from interacting with any other aspect of society.

THE Wimbledon Tennis Championship concluded on Wednesday but nobody noticed, officials have confirmed.

SAM Allardyce has been ruled out as England manager because he would actually like to do the job, the FA has confirmed.

WALES’ plucky performance in the semi-final of Euro 16 has reminded England fans that their team was not even remotely plucky.

ENGLAND'S footballers have vowed to redouble their crippling performance anxiety as they look ahead to the World Cup in Russia.

A MAN who has been keen to stress his 'Welshness' does not know a single word of the country’s national anthem, his friends have confirmed.