Sport

AFTER unsuccessfully resigning, Ally McCoist has admitted that he has no idea how he can stop being Rangers manager.

THE media is to cease reporting football results that, like Chelsea beating Hull, are entirely expected by everyone.

MILLIONS of men are making unconvincing attempts to show off their boxing knowledge.

THE people responsible for drawing the FA Cup third round took four hours to order starters in a restaurant, it has emerged.

MANCHESTER City FC has revealed the heavily armed £200m lair from which it will conquer the world.

PLAYERS for Leicester City remain convinced that manager Nigel Pearson exists, despite mounting evidence.

NO-ONE at Liverpool FC has the heart to make Steven Gerrard retire before he is a pensioner, it has emerged.

THE cobbled streets of Yorkshire are empty as residents cower in their homes, terrified they could be made the new owner of Leeds United.

BOXER Dereck Chisora has landed a blow on Tyson Fury, 72 hours after their bout ended.

CHELSEA is the one football club in Europe not presently descending into chaos, it has been confirmed.