Sport

DAVID Beckham has admitted that his tattoos are visual substitutes for his complete lack of any short-term memory.

THE FA has confirmed that as of 7pm last night, kicking Luis Suarez is no longer a punishable offence.

WEST Bromwich Albion are confident that changing manager will transform them into a top four worldwide football club.

MANCHESTER United manager David Moyes said the team’s dismal form is the sort of thing that happens to him all the time.

ALL-CONQUERING glamour club Stoke City are now a mathematical certainty to win the Premier League.

ONE youth’s account of the novelty explosives trade that is ruining football.

WAYNE Rooney has questioned the nature of existence following a Champions League game.

WAYNE Rooney wants to move to Chelsea so that he can have ready access to a wider range of goods and services.

WAYNE Rooney wants to move to Chelsea so that he can have ready access to a wider range of goods and services.

ENGLAND were sort of celebrating last night after they managed to retain the Ashes by not playing cricket.