Sport

MANCHESTER United are now virtually uninsurable after the signing of splintery striker Robin Van Persie.

EDINBURGH'S giant pandas Tian Tian and Yang Guang have bought Rangers FC.

NICOLA Adams’ historic gold medal win in the Olympic boxing has seen her edge into the top ten of Leeds hardwomen.

BRITAIN'S 9-year-old Olympics BMX competitor is in turmoil after it emerged the final will take place when he had promised his mum he'd be home for tea.

ARSENE Wenger has revealed Arsenal’s entire kit cost him just £200 from the Highbury branch of Tesco.

ANDY Murray risks losing his status as a byword for risible mediocrity.

EURO 2012 winners Spain have come under more fire for showing a reluctance to mix things up by being bad at football.

SCOTTISH football chiefs are forcing Rangers to start again as a pub team following their financial difficulties.

ENGLAND’S opening Euro 2012 game against France has taught fans what cheroot­-smoking philosophers have been going on about all these years.

FOOTBALLER Joey Barton has confessed to stealing his philosophising tough guy persona from the lead character in the 1989 movie Road House.