Agony Aunt
If the president of France can't have some naughty fun, what hope is there for humanity?
My sister once had a French pen pal called Bruno Watine.
My main talent is having a big gob
Liars will get mauled by a large predator, along with all their sheep.
People have been calling me 'Scrooge' because I got spotted in Poundland
The three wise men would probably have bought their gifts in Poundland too.
I've been stuck on a stupid vegan diet
Vegans are not allowed Haribo Star Mix.
I'm worried about poor old Nigella
She's obviously really talented because she even got my daddy interested in cooking.
People just want to worship their false consumer Gods
For a dramatic edge, our careers officer likes to set 'the reveal' to climactic pop music.
It's my husband's birthday but he's a miserable git
It's always a challenge to buy a dad-present which doesn't involve whisky, or Jeremy Clarkson.
I've been accused of doing bad things
If someone has done something naughty, I always recommend writing letters to both Santa and Jesus.
My two-faced 'friend' has been spying on me
You should hide in the wardrobe and listen in.
My old pal Roy Keane isn't talking to me
You might find the entire class is suddenly aware of your dreadful bum problems.