Alcohol

Woman already using 'It's Christmas' as excuse for being constantly shitfaced

A WOMAN has decided she can be legitimately drunk from now until January by claiming she is simply getting into the festive spirit.

Relief as big wine shop stockpiles shit loads of extra bevvy

A WINE shop that is stockpiling as much as booze as possible has been praised for its deep understanding of Britain.

Everyone on stag do wants to go to bed

EVERY single man on a stag night is claiming to be ready to keep partying into the early hours while secretly desperate to go to bed.

Really liking gin 'not a substitute for having a personality'

PEOPLE who go on about gin have been reminded that it should not be used a personality substitute.

Which bullshit excuse are you using to get pissed tonight?

DO you fancy having several drinks this evening and need an excuse even if you know it’s bollocks? Try these flimsy but effective justifications.  

Is this the worst hangover you’ve ever had, or have you woken up in Burnley?

LAST night was a heavy one. But are these overwhelming feelings of pain, sickness and despair you’re feeling alcohol-induced, or have you awoken in the Lancashire town of Burnley?

Missing cat actually on four-day bender

A CAT thought to be missing has actually just been pissing it up with his mates for the last four days.

Man who agreed to work Saturday assumed boss knew he'd still be a bit pissed

A MAN has agreed to work this Saturday under the illusion that his boss was aware that he would be a little bit drunk.

Even pub not sure why it's playing music everyone bloody hates

A PUB has made the strange decision to play extremely crap music at a deafening volume despite it being loathed by everyone including the staff.

How are you pretending not to be pissed at work?

YOU popped into the pub at lunchtime ‘for one’ and now you’re feeling surprisingly shitfaced. So how can you conceal it from your colleagues? Read our guide.