Alcohol

A MAN who gave up booze for a month has already successfully undone all of the positive effects of his abstinence.

A MAN has a 'nightcap' of four cans of Stella every night to help him relax before bed.

A WOMAN has scoured her recipe books for a dish that requires a splash of red wine just so she has an excuse to drink the rest of the bottle.

A MAN bases his opinion of every country he visits purely on how cheap it is to buy beer.

A Wetherspoons has been levelled by a seismic volley of orgasms after a pint was served in a glass with a little crown on it.

SCOTLAND has once again admitted that it cannot return to work until tomorrow because it overdid it massively at New Year.

A MAN sure his New Year's Eve would end in the throes of passionate sex found himself home alone in bed without making it to midnight.

THERE are more shit ways to spend New Year’s Eve than there are stars in the sky. Here are just a few of them.

IF you’ve overindulged on Christmas Day, avoiding a hangover on Boxing Day will be a challenge needing a creative solution. Try these:

MOTHERS across the UK are very, very drunk right now, it has emerged.