Three extra pints of lager a day needed during heatwave, say bloke scientists

BLOKE scientists have advised men to drink at least three extra pints of beer a day to avoid dehydration during the current hot weather.

Regional pub so desperate to be cool it's pathetic

THE landlords of a regional pub clearly aspire to run a trendy London gastropub but cannot quite get it right, regulars have agreed.

Man given glass of wine at 1pm has no option now but to keep drinking

A MAN given a glass of white wine at 1pm has been left with no choice but to continue drinking until nightfall.

Woman writing CV wondering how to make 'binge drinking' sound like a hobby

A WOMAN who spends all her spare time getting sh*tfaced with her mates is struggling to make it sound like a respectable extracurricular interest.

Woman shocked to discover she likes IPA

A WOMAN was shocked to find she actually enjoys the taste of a craft beer IPA, she has confirmed.

'Yeah just enjoyed the sunshine' says man who woke up in garden full of cans

A MAN who woke up at 8am on Sunday in a garden littered with empty beer cans has claimed he just ‘enjoyed the lovely weather’.

Britain not drunk enough to accept Boris Johnson will be next prime minister

THE UK has demanded that confirmation that Boris Johnson will be prime minister be delayed to around 1.30am on Saturday.

Man ruins perfectly nice evening by getting a round of shots in

A 30-YEAR-OLD man totally messed up a pleasant evening in the pub by buying tequila slammers, it has emerged.

Craft beer drinker experiencing pretentious hangover

A MAN who only drinks craft beer is suffering from a hangover he considers superior to one caused by mass-produced beer.

Wife who agreed to share bottle of wine only drinks one glass again

A WIFE who keeps agreeing to share a whole bottle of wine with her husband has only had one glass again, it has been confirmed.