Alcohol

LOOKING forward to a pint after work? Steady on. If you detect any of these warning signs, the odds are not in your favour.

DRINKING establishments in the North East can be challenging environments for soft Southern shites. Here is a guide to making it as pleasant and safe as is reasonably possible.

MEN are stoic creatures who bottle up their feelings. Unless they have had eight pints, in which case all these secrets come flying out.

THE dark, depressing nights are drawing in and you’re scared to put the lights or heating on, so the best option is to get wankered. Here are seven drinks with a flimsy autumnal theme.

DID you buy someone a pint five years ago and they are yet to repay their beer debt? Broach the topic carefully but forcefully.

A MAN does not know how he would get through the day without the aid of his trusty emotional support pint.

ORDERED a cask ale only to be charged a preposterous sum of money? These are the ridiculous made-up reasons why.

TOMORROW is an historic day of national mourning. Mark the occasion appropriately by getting deferentially drunk.

AFTER years of friendship, a man has been given a card from a mate for no comprehensible reason other than that it was his birthday.

MOST alcoholic drinks are an acquired taste, because they are vile. These are so delicious you will have no idea you're pissed until it's too late.