Arts & Entertainment

A MAN with tickets for this year’s Glastonbury has been brought to his knees by an incredible, overwhelming wave of relief.

A WOMAN who liked a song so much she listened to it for eight hours straight can no longer endure even the opening notes.

THEATRE lovers would like the government to step in and save the performing arts sector apart from crap like Cats.

WORRIED your kids will fall behind now the schools are shut? Pack them off to Thorpe Park where they’ll learn these classroom classics.

LITTLE Britain DVDs have joined the Edward Colston statue at the bottom of Bristol Harbour, it has been confirmed.

DO you no longer have to impress people with your taste in music because you’re middle-aged and inarguably uncool?

WANT to clog up everyone’s feeds with self-absorbed time-wasting? Here are six pieces of crap you can share today:

A WOMAN managed to make it through three pages of the book she planned to read during lockdown before calling it a day.

A MAN plans to behave as if he has seen Normal People then hope the conversation does not go into detail.

A WOMAN has politely reassured her husband that she can follow what is going on in the film by herself, thank you very f**king much.