Arts & Entertainment

THE excitement of dressing up like a spooky character for Halloween is rising for children and weird adults.

HAVING seen its adept handling of complex and uncertain tasks such as making Battenberg cakes, the UK public has urged the Bake Off presenting team to immediately depose the UK government.

A FAMILY of four who watched two women doing a dance together on Strictly Come Dancing have confirmed that they all turned into homosexuals immediately afterwards.

A MAN ruined a film by wondering where he had seen the female lead before for the entirety of its running time.

ARE you such an annoying twat that you’ve made a playlist of canine-related tunes for your dog? Set up these five to end up alone:

ANOTHER Batman film is on the way, as if we hadn’t had our fill of the moody pointy-eared bastard. Here’s why he should be given a rest.

THE only location in London where you can have casual sex with a member of a different household is now Strictly Come Dancing.

ARE you a broadcaster who feels the need to support blustering bellends then can’t understand why they turn on you? Here’s how the BBC keeps doing it.

AS home secretary, I detest everyone in Britain. But I love Disney because for every sad moment like Scar being thrown to hyenas there’s a happy one, like Bambi’s mum being shot.

LEFT-WING masturbators have accepted the gauntlet thrown down when Gillian Anderson was cast as Margaret Thatcher, they have confirmed.