Arts & Entertainment

A BOYFRIEND who appeared to be perfect in every way enjoys watching A Question of Sport, it has emerged.

EXPERTS have insisted the current lockdown on the UK music scene must continue to prevent a resurgence of awful rubbish which could spread globally.

A MAN who did Glastonbury in his own garden has left his half-collapsed tent and all his rubbish for some other f**ker to sort out.

WHATSAPP messages racing around the country are advertising an illegal rave at Chequers, the country home of the prime minister, this evening.

A MAN with tickets for this year’s Glastonbury has been brought to his knees by an incredible, overwhelming wave of relief.

A WOMAN who liked a song so much she listened to it for eight hours straight can no longer endure even the opening notes.

THEATRE lovers would like the government to step in and save the performing arts sector apart from crap like Cats.

WORRIED your kids will fall behind now the schools are shut? Pack them off to Thorpe Park where they’ll learn these classroom classics.

LITTLE Britain DVDs have joined the Edward Colston statue at the bottom of Bristol Harbour, it has been confirmed.

DO you no longer have to impress people with your taste in music because you’re middle-aged and inarguably uncool?