Arts & Entertainment

Radio One Told To Take Some Time Off

RADIO One has been ordered to take a week off after colleagues expressed concern over her increasingly erratic behaviour.

BBC Unveils Line-Up For Billiepipermas

THE BBC has unveiled the spectacular line-up for what promises to be the best Billiepipermas ever.

Fuck Nativity plays, we're doing The Godfather, say five year-olds

THE number of primary schools ditching the traditional Christmas nativity in favour of key scenes from The Godfather is at an all-time high.

Mccartney Apologises For Song About 'Japanese Lunatic'

SIR Paul McCartney has revealed that the mysterious final track on Abbey Road was actually a cryptic reference to Yoko Ono.

BBC Responds To Huge Demand For Piece-Of-Shit Australian Soap-Opera

THE BBC has responded to huge public demand by spending £50m of license payers money on a piece-of-shit soap opera set in Australia.

Immigrants 'Too Cheerful', Says Morrissey

SINGER Morrissey is refusing to come back to Britain because the country's immigrant population smile too much. 

Jamie Oliver Chicken Recipe Wins 'Bad Sex' Award

JAMIE Oliver's recipe for free-range chicken roasted with garlic and chestnuts has won this year's 'bad sex' book award.

Tate Crack Filled With Junkie Borrowers

THE huge crack in the middle of the Tate Gallery has become a seedy hangout for tiny, drug-abusing Borrowers, the Daily Mash has learned.

Panto Stars Demand Right To Swear

BRITAIN'S favourite pantomime stars are demanding the right to litter their performances with profanity and smut.

Winehouse Husband Demands Death Penalty

THE husband of singer Amy Winehouse is demanding to be executed in a last ditch attempt to avoid another moment in his wife’s company.