Arts & Entertainment

PARENTS have ordered their children to love the new series of The Clangers or find somewhere else to live.

AVERAGE Londoners are excitedly looking forward to missing a host of cultural events in the capital.

THE world’s biggest bellends are flocking to audition for Simon Cowell’s DJ talent show.

THE performing dog that won Britain’s Got Talent has described how his work grapples with complex themes such as the illusory nature of reality.

NEW James Bond book Trigger Mortis sees the ageing spy in court for more than 22 cases of sexual harassment in the workplace.

DOZENS of angry parents have complained about a badly organised Game of Thrones fun day.

WATCHING Eurovision to sneer at it is no better than watching it genuinely, like a Belgian, it has been confirmed.

BUYERS of adult colouring books have discovered they are devoid of any erotic content.

DIRECTOR George Miller has revealed that Mad Max: Fury Road was entirely ad-libbed by the cast.

A GARDEN with hedges and borders containing more than 16 tonnes of hand-shredded pornography has won a gold medal at Chelsea Flower Show.