Arts & Entertainment

Original ideas banned

ALL creative works must now be based on something else, it has been announced.

Cara Delevingne to play Margo in movie version of The Good Life

SUPERMODEL Cara Delevingne will play Margo Leadbetter in a big budget drama about the dark side of suburban self-sufficiency.

Crimewatch celebrates 30 years of nightmares

BBC CRIMEWATCH is celebrating 30 years of forcing its way into the homes of ordinary people and giving them nightmares.

'Gogglebox' to focus on Ingmar Bergman films

THE new series of Gogglebox will focus on the viewers’ reactions to the films of Swedish director Ingmar Bergman.

Casting begins for '12 Years a Scot'

CASTING has begun for an epic film about the traumatic life of a Scottish person in the early 21st Century.

New Batmobile is pimped-up Vauxhall Corsa

BATMAN'S new car is a pimped Corsa with iridescent blue metallic paint, tinted windows and a 1500-watt Rockford Fosgate sound system.

Page 3 to end as Britain runs out of breasts

THE SUN is to end its topless Page 3 feature because the UK’s supply of tits has been exhausted.

New app makes it easy to discover shit music

AN app has been launched that will make it easier to discover brand new, terrible music.

Gig prices reduced based on number of songs from new album

GIG tickets will be priced according to the number of new songs a performer forces the audience to listen to.

DJ names not stupid enough

THE lack of absurd DJ names has been linked to a decline in the quality of dance music.