Arts & Entertainment

THE BBC has confirmed that Top Gear will continue without Jeremy Clarkson as Britain is awash with boorish oafs.

JAMES Corden has enjoyed a smooth start to his new career helping film stars masturbate on live television.

ROCK band, Saxwulf, are the coolest thing to ever happen to their hometown and anyone who says different is full of shit.

KANYE West will perform at Glastonbury as long as the audience does not offend his wife’s sense of smell.

BRITAIN'S leading Beatles tribute band has split up after an encounter with Japan's foremost Yoko Ono impersonator.

DISNEY has unveiled plans to stop children watching Frozen 24 hours a day by making Frozen 2.

DEATH has been told it is not allowed to take Sir Terry Pratchett until an investigation is held.

THE fantasy-reading community has been left confused by a tale of noble houses, war and dragons that concludes in one volume.

JAY Kay from Jamiroquai is to sue Pharrell for copying his ‘overconfident bellend in a massive hat’ brand.

SELF-PORTRAITS by artists including Rembrandt and Van Gogh are to be banned from the National Gallery for encouraging mindless vanity.