Arts & Entertainment

BRITAIN'S Eurovision entrants received a summons letter forcing them to perform, it has emerged.

FANS attending a Wombats gig have half-heartedly requested the band return a second time while checking their phones.

EVERY child who dressed up for ‘World Book Day’ is just a character from a popular film.

NIGHTCLUBS must now reserve five per cent of their tickets for strange social misfits.

BOOKIES have announced that Daniel Craig is odds on to become the first white actor to portray John Shaft.

THE wedding of actor Danny Dyer will end with his wife being kidnapped by rival gangsters, it has been confirmed.

THE police raid on Sir Cliff Richard’s house has inspired him to write yet another mawkish dirge.

A WOMAN has turned eight years of incessant bitching about her friend's partner into a best-selling book.

TONIGHT'S Brit Awards will end all arguments about music by definitively establishing what is worth listening to.

A MEMBER of the middle class has admitted not having seen the stage version of Warhorse.