Arts & Entertainment

Edinburgh Fringe kicks off annual tosspot migration

BRITAIN will become 68% more pleasant as the Edinburgh Fringe draws in the country's pathologically self-absorbed bastards for the next three weeks.

Doctor Who fans reminded that it's for children

DR WHO producer Russell T Davies has once again reminded the show's ardent fans that it is actually for children.

New Show To Follow Reality TV Producers Around

A NEW reality TV show will follow 10 reality TV producers around for three months to discover what on earth goes on in their minds.

Antichrist Is Great, Says Man Who Hasn't Seen It

LARS Von Trier's sexually-explicit horror film Antichrist is brilliant and is being attacked by people who probably haven't even seen it, according to a man who hasn't seen it.

Mercury Winner To Be Given Money To Write A Tune

THE winner of this year's Mercury Music prize will be be given some money to go away and write an actual tune, it has been confirmed.

Eastenders Is A Documentary, Insists Johnson

EASTENDERS is a gritty, fascinating documentary that has proven invaluable to understanding London life, Boris Johnson said last night.

Bruno Re-Cut For MPs

THE makers of x-rated comedy film Bruno have released a re-cut version with added sexual perversity, just for British MPs.

Britain Flocks To Childish Wizard Rubbish

MILLIONS of grown men and women have turned out to watch the latest film based on some childish drivel about a magic boy.

Northern culture honoured with enormous pie

THE North's contribution to British culture is to be recognised with the installation of a 60ft bronze meat pie in Hyde Park.

Furious Russell T Davies Threatens To Turn BBC Gaylien

TORCHWOOD creator Russell T Davies has reacted angrily to cuts in the series by threatening to turn the BBC's entire TV output into a same-sex inter-galactic love-in.