Arts & Entertainment

Porn Star's X-Factor Shame

THE star of popular films such as Alsatian D'Amour and Goatse Rampage has admitted appearing on ITV's X-Factor.

BBC To Spend £200m On Not Interrupting Its Own Programmes

THE BBC is to launch an ambitious £200m initiative which could eventually lead to it not interrupting every single one of its own television programmes.

N-Dubz Become Invisible To Adults

POP sensations N-Dubz have become so incomprehensible to grown-ups that they can no longer see them, it emerged last night.

Bond Films To Be Renamed Again

THE producers of the James Bond franchise have warned they may be forced to return to renaming the old films and hoping no-one notices.

Simon Cowell Still Very Much Alive

POP impresario Simon Cowell was once again still very much alive last night.

Audiences Charmed By Random Collage Of Violence And Foul-Mouthed Toddlers

BALLBAG Explosion Ninja Die, a sequence of random acts of violence interwoven with toddlers uttering filth, is setting new box office records, it emerged last night.

Sophie And Nigella Urged To End Rivalry With Lingering, Tongue-Heavy Kiss

RIVAL TV cooks Sophie Dahl and Nigella Lawson should settle their differences by exploring each other's mouths on BBC2, experts have claimed.

BBC Denies Dr Who Cuts As New Monsters Include Some Cheese And A Stick

THE producer of Doctor Who has dismissed claims that new aliens, including Cheddron the Cheese, are the result of BBC budget cuts.

Pink Floyd Force You To Listen To The Bad Bits

TEDIOUS prog rockers Pink Floyd have won their legal bid to make you listen to every last bit of their ghastly albums.

Mad Men Dolls Already Having Complicated Affairs With Other Toys

TOYS based on characters from US TV series Mad Men are having complex, stylish affairs with other action figures, it emerged last night.