Arts & Entertainment

SELF-PORTRAITS by artists including Rembrandt and Van Gogh are to be banned from the National Gallery for encouraging mindless vanity.

PHILLIP Schofield has confirmed that This Morning has shelved a segment on increasing sexual excitement by restricting the flow of oxygen to the brain.

RECENT poor quality science fiction films were created to make the new Star Wars seem incredible, it has emerged.

BRITAIN'S Eurovision entrants received a summons letter forcing them to perform, it has emerged.

FANS attending a Wombats gig have half-heartedly requested the band return a second time while checking their phones.

EVERY child who dressed up for ‘World Book Day’ is just a character from a popular film.

NIGHTCLUBS must now reserve five per cent of their tickets for strange social misfits.

BOOKIES have announced that Daniel Craig is odds on to become the first white actor to portray John Shaft.

THE wedding of actor Danny Dyer will end with his wife being kidnapped by rival gangsters, it has been confirmed.

THE police raid on Sir Cliff Richard’s house has inspired him to write yet another mawkish dirge.