Arts & Entertainment

TONIGHT'S Brit Awards will end all arguments about music by definitively establishing what is worth listening to.

A MEMBER of the middle class has admitted not having seen the stage version of Warhorse.

LAST night's Academy Awards featured an emotional tribute to the dire cinematic fodder that keeps the industry going.

THE UK is locked in argument about who was the first person to realise that Blur were the most loathsome band ever.

SCI-FI film franchises will continue for thousands of years after every person currently living has passed away, Hollywood has confirmed.

NEWSREADER Jon Snow has told friends that he has become a crack addict for a documentary, despite not appearing to be followed by cameras.

EASTENDERS has revealed who killed Lucy Beale without answering the crucial question of who was looking after the cafe at the time.

ALL amateur performance poets are secondary school teachers with an axe to grind, it has emerged.

A HOUSE has burnt down within a 20 minute walk from a cinema where people can watch Fifty Shades of Grey.

PEOPLE being dragged to see Fifty Shades of Grey are wearing blindfolds so that they can sleep.