Arts & Entertainment

SIR Paul McCartney has revealed that the mysterious final track on Abbey Road was actually a cryptic reference to Yoko Ono.

THE BBC has responded to huge public demand by spending £50m of license payers money on a piece-of-shit soap opera set in Australia.

SINGER Morrissey is refusing to come back to Britain because the country's immigrant population smile too much. 

JAMIE Oliver's recipe for free-range chicken roasted with garlic and chestnuts has won this year's 'bad sex' book award.

THE huge crack in the middle of the Tate Gallery has become a seedy hangout for tiny, drug-abusing Borrowers, the Daily Mash has learned.

BRITAIN'S favourite pantomime stars are demanding the right to litter their performances with profanity and smut.

THE husband of singer Amy Winehouse is demanding to be executed in a last ditch attempt to avoid another moment in his wife’s company.

THE long wait is over for fans of fast-moving US police dramas as Channel Five screens the new series of Crime Scene Navy Crime.

GIANT plasma screens have been declared unsuitable for watching pornography after an increase in the number of people traumatised by gigantic cocks.

A GINGER tit is to carry on singing despite announcing he was splitting up a band which everyone thought was just him anyway.