Arts & Entertainment

POP music has finished and will now be run backwards, with acid house due to return in 2042 and the Beatles reforming in 2060.

THE release of Jurassic World has seen middle-aged bespectacled velociraptors reminiscing about starring in its predecessor.

PARENTS have ordered their children to love the new series of The Clangers or find somewhere else to live.

AVERAGE Londoners are excitedly looking forward to missing a host of cultural events in the capital.

THE world’s biggest bellends are flocking to audition for Simon Cowell’s DJ talent show.

THE performing dog that won Britain’s Got Talent has described how his work grapples with complex themes such as the illusory nature of reality.

NEW James Bond book Trigger Mortis sees the ageing spy in court for more than 22 cases of sexual harassment in the workplace.

DOZENS of angry parents have complained about a badly organised Game of Thrones fun day.

WATCHING Eurovision to sneer at it is no better than watching it genuinely, like a Belgian, it has been confirmed.

BUYERS of adult colouring books have discovered they are devoid of any erotic content.