Arts & Entertainment

THE machine from Florence + the Machine is getting tired of doing all the work, it has revealed.

EVERYONE is now fully aware of vinyl’s resurgence and would prefer to hear no more about it, it has been confirmed.

ANYONE with an opinion about Madonna’s behaviour is playing into the hands of society’s evil puppet masters, it has been claimed.

THE West End is set to close after the last original topic for a musical was made into a musical, producers have confirmed.

CHILDREN’S TV hit Teletubbies is to return, featuring the dead body of Tinky Winky which is ignored by his former friends.

DON Maclean has apologised to American Pie obsessives, admitting he was just trying to make it rhyme.

CHANNEL 5 is making a documentary about feckless, irresponsible idiots who happen to be middle class.

ED Miliband believes that Zoe Wanamaker would bring a fresh twist to the role of Darth Vader.

BRITAIN needs to get a bloody grip and stop crying every time it watches a film, experts have claimed.

FORMER X Factor host Dermot O’Leary was shown clips of his time on the show before being dropped into Simon Cowell’s carnivore pit.