Arts & Entertainment

BRITAIN needs to get a bloody grip and stop crying every time it watches a film, experts have claimed.

FORMER X Factor host Dermot O’Leary was shown clips of his time on the show before being dropped into Simon Cowell’s carnivore pit.

NIGEL Farage has revealed the original version of his new book was about African-American lesbians.

JEREMY Paxman drew dozens of crude sketches of what he would do to David Cameron and Ed Miliband during last night’s TV interviews.

ZAYN Malik’s core fanbase of men working in the building trade is today in shock.

THE BBC has confirmed that Top Gear will continue without Jeremy Clarkson as Britain is awash with boorish oafs.

JAMES Corden has enjoyed a smooth start to his new career helping film stars masturbate on live television.

ROCK band, Saxwulf, are the coolest thing to ever happen to their hometown and anyone who says different is full of shit.

KANYE West will perform at Glastonbury as long as the audience does not offend his wife’s sense of smell.

BRITAIN'S leading Beatles tribute band has split up after an encounter with Japan's foremost Yoko Ono impersonator.