Arts & Entertainment

Big Brother Unveils All-Vegetable House

THE producers of Big Brother have once again resisted calls to introduce humans into the house, sticking with the all-vegetable format for the ninth year in a row.

BBC Stars 'Obviously Paid Too Much'

ANY moron can see that Jonathan Ross and Chris Moyles are paid far, far too much, according to a major review of BBC salaries.

Abramovich Buys Big Fat Woman From Painting

RUSSIAN billionaire Roman Abramovich has paid £2 million for the great big fat woman in the painting by Lucien Freud he bought last week.

Middle-Aged Man Mowing Lawn Nominated For Turner Prize

A MIDDLE-aged man has admitted he was surprised to be nominated for the biggest prize in art, stressing he really was just mowing his lawn.

Deprived Children Had Not Paid Licence Fee, Says BBC

THE BBC kept £100,000 it had raised for deprived children after discovering none of them had paid their licence fee, the Corporation said last night.

ITV Fined £6m For Ant & Dec

ITV was last night fined a record £6m for Ant and Dec.

Rowling Unveils Plan To Have All The Money

BILLIONAIRE author JK Rowling last night told a New York court that she would very much like to have all the money there is.

BBC Shut Down After Programme About Big, Fat Cocks

THE BBC has been shut down temporarily after complaints about a documentary featuring dozens of big, fat cocks.

Evan Davis To Interview Gordon Brown In The Bath

NEW Today presenter Evan Davis is to interview Gordon Brown next week, as both share a relaxing, honey-scented bath.

Glastonbury Sales Down As Fans Tire Of Wallowing In Own Dung

GLASTONBURY ticket sales have slumped this year after thousands of fans decided not to pay £155 to shit in a ditch.