Arts & Entertainment

White People Advised Against B.A. Baracus Impersonations

THE new A-Team film is to carry a warning advising white men in their 30s not to impersonate B.A. Baracus.

Bon Jovi Gigs To Trigger Fresh Wave Of Pathetic Pub Bands

HUNDREDS of desperate pub bands could be created in the wave of impending Bon Jovi gigs, experts have warned.

Tight Fit To Revive Lion Sleeps Tonight Concept Album

TIGHT Fit are to revive their 1982 conceptĀ  album The Lion Sleeps Tonight with a series of spectacular stage shows.

Glastonbury In Last Minute Search For Replacement Twat

BONO has cancelled his appearance at Glastonbury forcing organisers into a last minute hunt for some other twat.

Novello Judges Sectioned

A GROUP of music 'experts' were last night being assessed by psychologists after Lily Allen won three awards for song writing.

Music Dead

MILLIONS of pop fans were in shock yesterday as the re-release of Three Lions killed music like a dog in the street.

Doctor Who Fans To Leave Their Houses

DOCTOR Who fans across Britain are facing the prospect of leaving their homes and talking to other people.

Britain Haunted By Thought Of Heston And Delia At It

BROADCASTERS have been flooded by complaints from viewers unable to stop imagining Delia Smith and Heston Blumenthal going at it.

Lars Von Trier Revealed As 'Sex And The City' Mastermind

THE Sex And The City franchise was secretly conceived by Lars Von Trier as an exercise in existential horror, the Danish director has revealed.

Kiefer Sutherland To Make Brat-Pack Version Of 'Rainbow'

KIEFER Sutherland is to reunite Hollywood's 'brat-pack' in a big-budget remake of Rainbow.