Arts & Entertainment

Mash Radio: Michael Sheen To Play Red Rum

TONY Blair actor Michael Sheen is to extend his repertoire of real-life characters by playing Red Rum in a BBC mini-series. 

Dame Judi Dench To Host Charity Swearathon

ACTRESS Dame Judi Dench is to host this year's BAFTA Swearathon, it has been confirmed.

New Big Brother Series May Be Best Ever, Says Its Viewer

THE current series of Big Brother could be the best one yet, according to the person who has been watching it.

Time Traveller From The Future Warns Of Terminator Sequels

A HAUNTED-looking man arrived from the future last night to warn mankind of Terminator sequels so incredibly bad they will make you cry inside.

Seven Million People Downloading Stuff You Wouldn't Pay For If There Was A Gun To Your Head

SEVEN million people in the UK are illegally downloading the sort of music and films you wouldn't pay for even as you heard the ominous click of a gun being cocked.

Freak Show Forced To Defend Footage Of Freak

ITV freak show Britain Must Be Stopped last night defended its decision to show footage of an insane, dancing freak.

Ofcom Launches Nipple Probe

OFCOM, the broadcasting watchdog, is to launch a full-scale inquiry into televised nipples, it emerged last night.

Critics Pay Tribute To World’s Greatest Drama Set On A Battlestar

BATTLESTAR Galactica was last night hailed as the most intelligent and thoughtful drama ever to be set on a battlestar.

Match Of The Day Goes To Its Dark Place

MATCH of the Day has gone to its dark place and has urged viewers not to follow.

Fears Grow That Red Riding May Have Been Shit

FEARS were growing last night that the landmark television series Red Riding may have been a lot of shit.