Arts & Entertainment

THOUSANDS of relieved men have expressed their gratitude after buying fraudulent Take That tickets.

A PANEL of Nobel laureates including VS Naipaul and Mohammed ElBaradei have discussed their most recent vomiting experiences before an enraptured audience at the Hay Festival.

CHILDREN across Britain were today told to be all sad about the Daleks.

A NEW HBO-style cop drama starring Dominic West will introduce phrases like ''ow bist' and 'gert lush' to Guardian readers.

THE latest batch of hopefuls on The Apprentice are known even to themselves by generic names like 'The Blonde Woman', it emerged last night.

LARS Von Trier has been forced to watch every film he has ever made before being allowed back into the Cannes film festival.

LONG-running suicide note Eastenders fails to fully capture how revolting Cockneys are, the BBC have admitted.

FEMALE recording artists who claim to have raunchy lesbian tendencies must spend a night locked in with a minotaur-like 'diesel dyke', it has been announced.

LITHE snooker legend Steve Davis's new BBC radio show is going to put the sexy back into progressive rock music, it was claimed last night.

ITV's Shit Factor will return later this year with Simon Cowell being replaced by a contemptuous showbiz failure.