Business

MCDONALD’S has revealed that its nuggets contain locally-sourced boy.

PREMIER Foods has unveiled a new range of bastards who smell of fresh strawberries.

THE number of people simultaneously talking down a static-filled phone line has been estimated as between five and the entire population of Preston.

RAIL operators are moving ever closer to a network completely rid of annoying passengers.

SALES of tiresome penis and fart-related joke products are expected to hit £569bn today.

ALL remaining public assets are to be transferred to Richard Branson to see what he does with them.

SSE’S ape advert was inspired by peyote-fuelled sweat lodge rituals, it has emerged.

BUSINESSES have warned they will be forced to start fining customers who complain.

UNPAID workers spend most of their time imagining how vile they will be to other interns once they get promoted, it has emerged.

BRITAIN’S banks are approaching four decades of unbroken criminality, it has been confirmed.