Business

SPOTTY 19-year-olds who know a bit about smartphones should have more appropriate job titles, it has been claimed.

DISCOUNT supermarket Aldi has launched a new marketing campaign aimed at middle class people who have fallen on hard times.

BRITAIN’S top wizarding bank may be broken up after the Ministry of Magic ordered a wide-ranging investigation into its activities.

A LANDMARK office building in the City of London could be full of people who are basically werewolves, it has emerged.

STAFF in high street book chain Waterstones have an unusually high incidence of neckbeard, it has emerged.

BRITAIN is pinning its economic hopes on a record haul of grade-A heroin from the Tower of London.

SHOPPERS have told retailers that a ten per cent discount is worthless so they may as well stop pretending otherwise.

A SUCCESSFUL City banker has asked everyone to stop suggesting he secretly has a heart of gold.

BURGER chain McDonald’s has a new slogan emphasising that at least its product is unpretentious.

LLOYDS staff have complained that being ‘digitised’ merely involves being sacked rather than blasted into a thrilling video game world.