Celebrity

THE Yeti has appeared on The Jeremy Kyle Show to settle questions of its parentage.

EDWARD and Sophie are not attending Prince George's christening because they stole canapés at his parents' wedding.

SIR Richard Branson has revealed he lives most of the year on his private island because it is exactly that.

RADIOHEAD singer Thom Yorke is visiting the world's remotest places to warn their inhabitants about Spotify.

NOBEL Prize recipient Peter Higgs has spent his prize money on a customised lilac sports utility vehicle.

THREE-YEAR-OLD iguana Nikki Hollis has been named sexiest lizard alive by men's magazine Esquire.

ACTRESS Mia Farrow has claimed she mysteriously fell pregnant during a ritual by a secret sect of easy listening fanatics.

THE prime minister's wife has halted divorce proceedings after realising she'd lose a sweet £200-a-year tax break.

RICHARD Dawkins's autobiography controversially omits his creation by lightning on the slopes of Mount Olympus.

PRINCESS Diana's hair looked really weird, it has been claimed.