Celebrity

RONNIE Corbett has had to make do with a CBE because he is too short for a knighthood, it has been confirmed.

JOVIAL television bike gang members David Myers and Simon King have confessed to extensive criminal activities after multiple shootings at the recording of their latest series.

ABBEY Clancy and Peter Crouch were today devastated by the thought of a thief opening all their vulgar, over-priced Christmas gifts.

CNN last night said it had no recollection of who removed Piers Morgan's name from his designated parking space.

A BERNIE Ecclestone daughter is to front a new ITV2 series confronting anti-superficiality.

PLANS for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee will include a speech of unimaginable filth.

PETE Doherty believes he shares his flat with a nine-foot meerkat and a talking sofa as well as the ghost of Amy Winehouse, it emerged last night.

BRITAIN is today awaiting the explanation of a Jeremy Clarkson sex partner.

TOP Gear lynchpin Jeremy Clarkson is to sue Ricky Gervais for trying to steal his personality.

THE new Celebrity Big Brother house has emerged like a glorious phoenix from England's shattered capital.