Celebrity

THE death of Tommy Ramone has left most people who wear Ramones t-shirts emotionally unaffected.

IRISH fans of country star Garth Brooks have been offered a stout BBC pundit as a replacement.

ACTOR George Clooney may break the habit of a lifetime and switch from the Daily Mail to the Daily Express.

THE prime minister has hosted a drinks party honouring the economic contribution made by the country's twats.

CHRISTIAN Bale has become permanently stuck in character as a gifted yet pretentious actor.

THE Queen’s visit to the Game of Thrones set in Belfast was dominated by detailed questions about the show’s sexual content.

WRITER Jeanette Winterson secretly enjoyed a delicious cat-based lunch, it has emerged.

RESEARCHERS have admitted defeat in the search for a picture of Tony Blair looking trustworthy.

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt were last night forced to tell William Hague they planned to spend the evening alone.

THE page boy who fainted during the Queen's speech had been weakened by Prince Philip's vampiric tendencies.