Celebrity

RESEARCHERS are to launch a fresh study into what Keith Allen is for.

THE microbes present in TV chef Jamie Oliver's restaurant kitchens are cool and laid-back, it was claimed last night.

GENTLEMAN footballer Ryan Giggs has left his wife for softly-spoken Downton Abbey star Hugh Bonneville.

THE Catholic Church last night beatified Ringo Starr by mistake.

BRITAIN has been inspired and energised by the joining together of Pippa Middleton's left and right buttocks.

KATE Middleton's parents have finally been subjected to a series of horribly offensive comments by Prince Philip.

THE Middleton family has unveiled Britain's most middle class coat of arms.

HUGH Grant is back on top of the Hollywood A-list after rave reviews for his new film The Englishman Who Went to a Pub With a Hidden Microphone.

TV bad boy Jeremy Clarkson remains filled with inner turmoil after shattering Richard Hammond's heart into a million tiny pieces, it has emerged.

THE Church of England has urged Prince William not to hop on a passing skank if Kate Middleton gains a few pounds.