Celebrity

LAST-MINUTE negotiations over Cheryl Cole's television career were abruptly terminated last night after her management team decided to start living actual lives.

PIPPA Middleton has been accused of cashing in on her sister's royal status after ruthlessly hijacking the beginning of this sentence.

AGEING actor Harrison Ford has forgotten his starring role in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, it emerged last night.

BRITISH culture was dealt a devastating blow last night after Cheryl Cole was sacked by Americans.

LORD God Almighty has filed a £6m lawsuit against inflatable glamour model Jordan for bringing his name into disrepute.

A PROFESSIONAL footballer did it with some dolly bird, it has been confirmed.

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger knew his marriage was doomed shortly after the birth of a three-stone baby carrying a sawn-off shotgun.

A THOUSAND years of British legal history has reached its summit in a decision on the privacy of a woman's fandango.

PRINCE Philip will be allowed into Ireland today on condition he calls them all 'Micks' no more than eight times during the four day visit.

RESEARCHERS are to launch a fresh study into what Keith Allen is for.