Environment

OCTOPUSES have confirmed that they are not psychic and would prefer to be left alone.

YOUR thoughts and feelings are dictated by whether it is sunny.

SNAILS have asked gardeners to kindly not lob them over the fence.

BRITAIN is absolutely positive the weekend heatwave will be free of discomfort, arguments and the doing of too many things.

SHARKS are really interesting, it has been confirmed.

BRITAIN'S 2ft super-rats have said they only want to scrabble about on your sleeping body.

IF scientists want us to be scared of climate change they are going to have to try a lot harder, it has been confirmed.

STUDENTS think having a massive rat shitting in their kitchen is cool, it has emerged.

MEN who decided to leave their jackets at home today have confirmed that they made a mistake.

THE TripAdvisor judges who rated a Welsh beach as one of the world's top ten are being educated on the country's weather.