Environment

Attenborough filmed us having sex, say animals

BBC star David Attenborough regularly filmed animals copulating, it has been claimed.

Man-o-war 'uses tentacles for sleazy groping'

MEN-O-WAR sting swimmers then feel them up with their tentacles, it has been claimed.

Environment accused of benefit fraud

THE environment has been accused of wasting taxpayer’s money on virtually useless plants and animals.

Naive young grouse excited about 'grouse season'

JUVENILE grouse Tom Logan is incredibly excited about the forthcoming grouse season, due to a misunderstanding about what is involved.

Joyless carp-processing season begins

THOUSANDS of men have resumed their hobby of processing carp at man-made industrial carp holes.

Coalition 'to last at least another week', warn forecasters

THE coalition which has blighted the summer could last until August, it has been claimed.

Flood victims finally getting the blame they deserve

PEOPLE whose houses have flooded are responsible for most of society's ills, it has emerged.

Britain's heap of shit weather explained

WE only have ourselves to blame for the current awful weather, it has emerged.

Relief as Britons allowed to water their swamps

THOUSANDS of relieved gardeners are finally able to water the swamp-like areas attached to their houses, as the hosepipe ban is lifted.

Big grey clouds verbally abusing the UK

DARK clouds have started to hurl insults as well as rain at the British Isles.